Magnolia
A Trisomy 13 Angel
I remember wanting to be a mama since I was just a little girl. I always said there were 3 things God created me to become - a wife, a nurse & a mother. I watched as my friends became moms, even during the most difficult times of their lives and when they least expected it, but I knew God was saving my time for someone special.
Magnolia’s daddy and I met when we were 14 years old. He is from Georgia, and I’m from Indiana. Our families met on summer vacation and instantly clicked. We stayed in contact all of these years, and everyone always said they just “knew” Josh and I were something special.
Fast forward 20 years, and here we are. I moved to Georgia to finally be with the man of my dreams since childhood, and within a couple of months, our sweet baby girl was on the way. The happiest tears were shed, and our families were thrilled! We went to every OB appointment, and things seemed to be right on track. We opted to have the blood draw for gender and thought nothing of anything else. You don’t think of anything negative when finding out you’ll be parents; you never think it’ll happen to you. I remember waiting for the gender results in my email, but the email said I needed to speak with someone on the phone about how to read the results.
At just 12 weeks, our world was flipped upside down. We were told Magnolia was a sweet baby girl, but that we were at risk for Trisomy 13. I sat silently, confused, lost, worried, and terrified. I’m a NICU nurse, so I had a pretty good idea of what was ahead. Josh stayed calm the entire pregnancy. He was my light & positivity. My OB told me how these tests aren’t really “100% accurate” and that she wasn’t worried the slightest bit for our girl, but she would send me to high-risk sooner than later for peace of mind.
I’ll never forget that appointment. The ultrasound tech did her thing. She never once really spoke to us throughout the ultrasound. She said the doctor would be in to do one herself and to talk to us. I just knew. The doctor confirmed what the tech had told her. Quite a few anomalies on the screen that were concerning. I remember the words “incompatible with life.” The first option was termination. Sadly, that’s the first thing out of a doctor’s mouth when talking about someone’s child and hearing such saddening news about your baby. They asked about an amniocentesis for confirmation. I denied both. The amniocentesis wouldn’t have ever made a difference in our love for our girl, and termination was never on the table for us, either.
The following 9 months were definitely a dance between grief and joy. Every single day was hard on me, mentally and physically. I would wake up and just cry - tears of joy because I had such a sweet baby growing inside of me, but tears of sadness because the future was so unknown. My pregnancy went pretty well for the most part, up until a little over 35 weeks. I had the most horrific “heartburn/gas pain” that wouldn’t ease up. I went to my 3rd-trimester appointment for routine labs. My BP had been elevated a couple of different times. They sent me home on a 24-hour urine test. I was supposed to see my high-risk doctor the following day. I felt like I was in the high-risk office at least once a week for the entire pregnancy, just to hear them remind me of the same thing over & over again. That night, my lab results came through my phone, and I usually don’t ever look at them, but I just happened to be sitting on the couch and pulling them up. My labs didn’t look right. Something was off. Thankfully, I’m a nurse and work on the L&D floor that I was set to deliver on. I called one of my L&D friends and asked them to look at my labs. Immediately, I was told to come in to triage. I was in HELLP Syndrome. That sharp pain I had been experiencing, yeah, that wasn’t gas pain. My liver was shutting down and destroying my platelet count. This was on October 25, 2022.
We were admitted. I was placed on magnesium overnight. My OB came in the next morning and immediately told them I needed an emergency C-section. They were cutting in 25 minutes. My platelet count had already dropped so low at that point I was going to have to be put to sleep for delivery. Josh was given all of his OR scrubs to get ready for delivery. Still, they decided at the last minute for him to stand outside of the room, just in case something were to go wrong with not only the baby but me as well.
On October 26, 2022, at 8:25am, our sweet Magnolia was born weighing 3lbs 5oz.
She spent the first 2 hours of her life with just her daddy while I was finishing up surgery and being woken up. I think Josh truly needed those 2 hours alone with her. I know how much he cherishes that time he had.
My entire family made it to town from Indiana overnight and arrived shortly after she was born. Josh’s family was there as well. Everyone in that room had prayed for us and stood by our sides the entire pregnancy. We had never seen so much love for one special, sweet baby between two families. My sister-in-law is a photographer and captured so many memories in the photos.
Magnolia gave us 16.5 hours of life and love with her. Those were the best 16.5 hours I’ve ever lived on this earth. I was a mama. Life made sense for the first time in my life, even though I knew our time was limited. She was my everything. Even with her short time on this earth, she knew nothing but love from everyone who held her and shared time with her in that room. There will never, ever be enough words to describe the emotion.
It’s been almost 6 months without her today, but some days it feels like yesterday. On other days, it feels like a lifetime since I‘ve seen or held my sweet baby. Every day is different. Some days are easier, and some days are harder than others.